HOLA!

I was in Puerto Vallarta just prior to the Day of the Dead  and it was fun as they have lots of festivities leading up to their holiday, which is much, much bigger than Halloween here.   The skeleton decorations seem morbid, but the Day of the Dead is not a time for evil spirits.  It’s  the day the spirits of your dead family and friends come back to participate in all their favorite earthly vices.   A Mexican friend recalls the entire neighborhood camping out in graveyards in a kind of party atmosphere when he was a kid.  Shrines are erected to the dead with flowers, candles, photos and favorite foods the departed once enjoyed.  Its roots are Aztecan, but the heavy influence of Catholicism has impacted the holiday so there is now a religious aspect involving prayer, as well.  I guess the best way to describe it would be a combination of Halloween, Memorial Day and a wake or something.  We have nothing like it here.

So anyway, the first night in Puerto Vallarta we had a tropical rainstorm.  Perry and I had to walk back to our hotel in pouring rain.  We got drenched, which wasn’t so bad as the rain was warm. As we rounded one corner, we saw a welcome sight up ahead.  A Woolworths!  There is nothing like the smell of Woolworths popcorn.  It drew us in with its tantalizing perfume –a combination of buttery bliss, new bicycle tires and Barbie hair.

As we entered I was mildly surprised to see racks and racks of Halloween costumes, just like the pre-Halloween displays of the Woolworths of my childhood long forgotten.  Little plastic jack-0-lanterns with black handles formed a pyramid next to a jumble of sugared skulls.  I did not realize that Mexican kids trick-or-treat.  Though I had seen a few paper jack-o-lanterns around town, October decorations  seemed over shadowed by colorful Aztec skeletons.

So what do Mexican kids like to dress up as?  There were a number of the usual princess and vampire costumes, and a few devil costumes– but one outift struck me as uniquely Mexican.  A Monk.   I don’t recall seeing  many trick-or-treating monks in my day, but it must be a popular get up, as there were two entire racks of them in all sizes.   I saw no Che costumes anywhere, though they were popular in the US this year.

Later a friend mentioned she had attended a Halloween party with a Mexican man who wore an overly large sombrero, carried around a large bottle of tequila and wore a wide leather strap with shot glasses across his chest the way a Mexican bandito might wear a holster of bullets.  Essentially he went as a stereotype of himself.

This made me wonder how a deaf person might dress in a way to humor people while at the same time pointing out the ridiculousness of d/Deaf stereotypes.  Some thoughts. . . Huge ears and ear muff type ‘hearing aids”, carrying around a bullhorn type thing for the ears, dressing in the shape of a big ILY hand, putting large plastic ears with heaing aids on other places of the body like the middle of the forehead, back of head, butt, belly, arms, legs, etc.  Or maybe dressing up as a ‘deaf hero’   A  person could really have fun with this.

 

 

 

How to Educate the Hearing about d/Deaf Peoples and Culture

DP asked how we educate hearing people about d/Deaf people.  That’s the hard part.

I believe diversity education needs to start young, but with only 1 out of 1000 babies born deaf, hearing children do not get enough exposure to deaf children when young.  On top of that, many deaf children are removed from their communities to attend deaf programs elsewhere.  So hearing children grow up never meeting a deaf person, except possibly an elderly grandparent who suffers in denial and may have self-esteem issues– a sad picture.

Now that baby signs have become popular, hearing children are getting fun exposure to the concept of a visual language.  So there is that.  Also I think many teachers have begun using sign to supplement spelling lessons, which is fun for them.   Still–few children ever meet a Deaf person.

If we based an education program on what other groups have done to gain acceptance, then we need more media exposure of Deaf.  But I don’t just mean Deaf actors taking Deaf parts because there aren’t enough of those parts.  The exposure needs to be consistent.   The Deaf pepsi commercial was a great example.  We need more of those, but the commercials should not always be ads for other products.  The ad itself could be for recognition of Deaf culture and d/Deaf people.

Other Ideas–  A huge event with programs, ads, publicity, marches, parades, etc., etc.– but it should all be happy and positive, which means we need to leave the oral/ASL politics at home.  A fun educational event is not the place to protest audism.  Both deaf and Deaf have to overcome challenges.  We’re in this together.

There are ethnic parades all over the country.  Here in the Seattle area, we have Norwegian Independence Day and Chinese New Year.  Nevermind that most the participants are not really Norwegian or Chinese.  For one day they celebrate their roots by dressing in traditional costumes.  It is not unusual to see a black person wearing traditional Norwegian dress or Viking horns.  This is about unity, not authenticity.  The celebrations need to be inclusive, not exclusive.   If we were to have a d/Deaf event, for one day ALL participants should be accepted as Deaf.

My vision of this d/Deaf event– parades and a fair type atmostphere where the entire hh/deaf/Deaf community gathers to educate hearing people about hearing loss, deafness and Deaf culture.  We could have vendors with information about accommodations, interpreter and ASL programs.  Earplugs would be free to the public, as we would educate them about noise pollution.   This could be our one annual shot at exposing hearing people to the idea that normal Deaf and deaf live amongst them, so we need to present a united front and let them know we’re a large group of diverse people with many different abilities and talents.  We should appear positive, not angry.

I envision Deaf entertainment, lots of food, lots of humor, face painting, music with signers, motivational speakers with interpreters and CART, dancing with balloons, representatives from ALL deaf/Deaf organizations.  Deaf and deaf wearing costumes, ASL clowns, vendors of accommdated equipment, dogs for the Deaf.  EVERYTHING d/hh/Deaf should be represented, esp. ASL.

We need a traveling Deaf hero exhibit that can go from school to school and city to city– so hearing people will learn the contributions and accomplishments of our many Deaf and deaf heroes.  We need Deaf entertainment/speakers who go out to the public schools to educate about hearing loss and Deaf culture in a relevant way to hearing people.  In other words, the message should be “overcoming adversity’ kind of thing, so that hearing children will be inspired to succeed and also to take care of their ears.  Why?  Easier to sell to the public schools– but it would kill two birds with one stone, since the hearing children would also be exposed to a respected successful Deaf person speaking at their school.

What won’t work– anger, protests, complaints of audism.  For one thing, audism is often too subtle.  The reason anger and protesting worked for blacks was because racism was horrifically ugly.

If there should be anything to remind people of audism– possibly a silent candlelight vigil for Deaf victims of crimes perpetrated against them solely because they were Deaf, but only at the end of a very fun event.

None of these ideas are all that original but they are based on what I feel has worked to educate the public about other groups.

 

Lost My Hearing, Found A Family

ALDA’s slogan.

WOW!  So true!  So what do late-deafened/oral-deaf/HH people do at these Conventions?  About the same thing you do at any deaf/HH convention. . .

Lots of hugging, signing,  laughing, and checking of PDA’s for messages. . .

Since ALDACON 2009 was held in my hometown of Seattle I didn’t spend the money to stay at the hotel.  It would have been more fun had I stayed, but more than twice the expense. Plus I had to work two of the days four days.

Our plenary speaker was Sue Thomas of FBEye fame.  Her speech detailed her life story, then praised those who had made a difference in her life by dedicating themselves to the education of a deaf child.  She ended with a plea for the Deaf/deaf/HH communities to overcome their differences and unite.

The rest of the day was taken up with workshops about deaf rights, traveling when deaf, advocating for deaf access, communication tools, deaf self-esteem, how to deal with police and lawyers when deaf, and a three-part ASL workshop for those of us who needed help in that area.  This list is incomplete.

The second day was much like the first.  I.King Jordan spoke after the luncheon.  After telling his story he ended with a homework assignment.  He wanted each of us to go back to our rooms, look into our mirrors, then repeat the words, “I am deaf.”  His point was that you can’t deal with your limitations until you face them.  This seems odd coming from someone who says, “The Deaf can do everything, except hear.”  Limitations???  But he is right.  You have to face the fact you are deaf before you can effectively navigate the deaf landscape.

He wasted five years in denial, he said.  Personally, I wasted  twenty years in denial.  Late-deafened people waste too much time in denial, especially when the medical community makes every effort to support your fantasy of a miraculous cure.   To this day, none of my doctors or audiologists have ever uttered the words, ‘You’re deaf,” to my face.   I thank God for a deaf women who bluntly pointed out the obvious a decade ago.  She said, “Kim, when you have to read lips while wearing hearing aids, it means you’re DEAF!”  I hated her for saying that– for about ten minutes.  Then I realized she was right.

I missed day three almost entirely except for the karaoke party– and am I ever glad I did NOT miss that!  Partying with deaf people is never like partying with hearing people.  The music was so loud you could feel it traveling up through your legs, then exploding out the top of your head.  But just in case you couldn’t feel it, balloons were available for the vibrationally challenged.

Because the music was that loud it was impossible to hear anyone sing.  Half of them signed anyway– and maybe mouthed words for effect.  I am not sure.  I could see some mouths moving, but it was impossible to tell if sound was coming out, which was probably good.  Many of us danced in large, wild groups in front of the stage.  Some wore costumes.  Balloons floated about and popped occasionally.

Towards the end of the evening I saw hotel staff looking on with mixed expressions of shock, horror and envy.  It’s good to be deaf.

 

Informal Comparison/Contrast of Deaf culture to deaf culture

OK– Again I’m referring back to DP’s blog on the Red Pill, and I hate to keep piggy-backing off her, but several good discussions are coming out of this.  Looking down toward the second to the last comment, Gamas posted a series of common Deaf cultural traits, which I will relate to ‘deaf’ cultural traits.

I will list them.

• Attention getting behavior . . . when deaf people try to get attention of other people in a room when lights fails . . . the resort to floor or table pounding.

• One more thing, hugging . . .even among people one never meets. Not all deaf people do that, but it is pretty common. . .

Gamas, sorry for cutting out so much of what you wrote, but it was a long paragraph.  In earlier comments you mentioned

• gathering in a kitchen as Deaf behavior

I mentioned that deaf people also tend to gather in well-lit areas where they can see each other face to face.  A kitchen table is perfect for that.

• Deaf people tend to  explain things, . . . and . . .they ask personal questions that is none of their business….

You also mention

• Deaf social clubs.

It’s interesting because the late-deafened share most of these same Deaf behaviors.

• The flickering lights,
• Stomping of feet, and pounding of tables
• Hugs.   We hug everyone.
• Gathering in well-lit spaces.  One additional requirement for a deaf gathering is ‘quiet’ space away from dish clatter, cooking pots and loud hearing people or music.

Late-deafened people do not tend to keep everyone informed or ask personal questions.  But it’s funny you mentioned this because at one convention when I was at a party, I disappeared for awhile.  I went upstairs to my room to go to the bathroom.  I didn’t want to announce this to everyone, so instead told them I was going upstairs with no explanation.  Later, I found out some people thought it was very RUDE.  They felt they deserved an explanation of why I left like that and gave me hell over it.  These were late-deafened, oral people.  I was taken aback.  I now announce when I’m leaving a room of deaf people and explain why.  In detail.

So I’m going to add–

• Informing people of the personal details when you leave a room or party, even for a few minutes– which is a gray area depending on who you’re dealing with, but to be safe I guess you should let others know or they could give you hell.

• d-deaf clubs.  I’m a member of three– HLAA, SWC, and ALDA.  Like you with DVTV we discuss stuff on-line endlessly, and it’s not all related to hearing loss.  We have annual conventions, seasonal picnics, events and “flings”  We’re very social.

I will add a few more oral deaf/HH/late-deaf behaviors. . .

• Trying out other peoples’ equipment.  It’s common to pass around new gadgets and equipment for others to try.  I have sat in a group and even passed around hearing aids to compare sound quality.

• Inclusion is a biggie.  If you are at a table of HH/deaf/oral deaf, everthing is repeated, signed and written for all so everyone feels included in the conversations.  No one is ignored or told, “never mind”  This means that signing between two people is rude if a third or fourth non-signer is present.  Among the late-deafened you must stop and include them.  It’s IMPORTANT.  Likewise a lone Deaf signer amongst non-signers will be kept informed of the conversation at hand through writing and clumsy signing as much as possible.
• Access.   Our clubs were built on the concept of accepting personal hearing choices and accommodating all to the best of our abilities. Rooms are FM looped, CART is ever present and interpreters provided by request for all official events.  The use of simcom is common.  Attempts to sign is encouraged.  Attempts to speak (if you speak with a Deaf accent) or clumsy attempts at signing are never, ever ridiculed.  We also make sure to provide access to those with other disabilities.
• Support.  It’s the foundation of all HH/deaf/oral-deaf clubs and goes along with inclusion and access.  Hierarchy is based on who has given the most time and effort toward advocacy and support.  Chapter leaders, State Association leaders, d/Deaf educators, and those who fight for our rights are our heroes.

When Deaf people disregard these last three rules of deaf cultural behavior, they seem just as elitist and oppressive as hearing people who criticize when we can’t hear and ignore requests for access.  These are big no-nos. 

 

The Gradual Shift Towards ASL in Oral Deaf Communities

In my previous post I included a chart that showed the ages at onset of deafness.  Three-fourths of all people who are deaf lose their hearing after age nineteen.  One interesting outcome of deaf mobilization has been the gradual acceptance of sign language as a viable form of communication for those who lose their hearing late in life.

When my hearing loss was first diagnosed, HLAA (founded in 1979) was in its infancy.   There was literally no place for someone with late onset hearing loss to get support or help from others.  At first HLAA focused on oral deaf people whose accommodation needs were different from the ASL-deaf.  At that time the ADA Act was being written.  HLAA’s mission was to ensure that oral deaf would not be forgotten.  For example, though we cannot hear, ASL interpreters are not as helpful to us as captioning.   HLAA’s goal was to advocate for those oral deaf whose first language was English.

However I think they developed tunnel vision in the process of focusing too much on certain accommodations to the detriment of others.  They became a bit exclusive and some oral deaf got lost in the shuffle.  I recall an oral deaf friend who showed up at an HLAA meeting signing.  Signing was her only option since hearing aids didn’t help and cochlear implants had not been invented.  She was told she was ‘too deaf’ for HLAA!  Those were the early days.

When ALDA came on the scene, their motto for communication was “Whatever works”  Late-deafened signers were welcomed from the beginning, and HLAA followed suit.  ASL vocabulary even became part of the program for my local HLAA chapter.  Just a few words each month would be taught.  Club members found it interesting and useful.  It is common today to see people using sim-com and ASL at all HLAA and ALDA functions.

One thing I’d like to point out is that both HLAA and ALDA welcome those who were deaf from birth.  There is a common misperception among oral deaf that HLAA or ALDA might turn them away because they were born with hearing loss.  While it’s true the majority of oral deaf are late-deafened, both organizations are welcoming of ANYONE who wants to join their cause.  I suspect this is because their main focus is on advocacy not culture.

But also, many people fit into a gray area.  Lots of people grew up with some mild hearing loss, then became profoundly deaf later.  Are they born deaf or late deaf?  Who cares?   Or perhaps you were born deaf, but you’re married to a late-deafened individual, and maybe one of your kids is Deaf while the other is HH.  Or maybe you are late-deafened, but ASL was your first langauge because your parents were Deaf.

One positive effect has been that deaf people of all stripes began coming to our events.  In turn, we began to recognize that their experiences and perspectives are a great asset to our community.  Comfortable in their own deaf skins, they are wonderful models of self-actualization– something the newly deaf struggle with as they come to terms with the internal identity shift from hearing to deaf.  The born deaf often exemplify what you CAN do as a deaf person, instead of what you can’t.

Additionally, the born deaf sometimes blossom in our presence as they find themselves in leadership roles amongst former ‘hearing people’ looking for answers.  Here, we look up to them as people with information and expertise.  It’s natural for them to pass on a few signs.

So what I have personally seen over the past thirty years has been a gradual blending of people who were once polarized within the oral deaf community.   We’re recognizing that we ALL need accommodations whether it’s an interpreter, CART, a dog for the deaf, or an FM system.  Being deaf is no longer about dividing people according to their accommodation needs.  The ADA was passed twenty years ago.

I can’t speak for the Deaf community, but it sounds like the walls are coming down there too.  With that comes greater acceptance of ASL in the oral deaf communities.

 

Deaf Spirituality– Enhanced by Silence?

So last week at my Buddhist workshop a few people were discussing their experiences of eating during a Buddhist retreat.   One ritual the monks practiced involved eating very slowly in silence.  While having breakfast they might eat just one raisin at a time.   I can’t remember the Japanese term for this but as a deaf person, I totally thought, “No Problem!”  I have eaten in silence lots of times.  The bigger challenge would be to eat slowly and without using any signs.  I wondered what would happen if the Buddhist monks had been Deaf?  Would they sneak signs under the table?

Hearing people view silence as deeply spiritual and a challenging exercise in restraint.    I guess that’s why so many religious orders adopt silent ritualistic practices.  It’s not only Buddhist monks, but Catholic monks and nuns, and Hindus practice silence as well.

Lately I’ve written much about spirituality.  Because I felt shut out of religious services after losing my hearing, I began to explore spirituality in silence through meditation.   I know I have become less religious, but more spiritual since becoming deaf.  I am more comfortable with silence than with noise of any kind, so for me it isn’t really an exercise in restraint.  It’s just peaceful.   I could easily spend a silent weekend not talking to anyone.  Talking is what I dread.

I feel my ‘God connection’ is stronger because of all the silent introspection—but my human connection may be weaker, which was why I sought out a group of quietly ethical people to hang with.  The Buddhist group just happened to be the closest.   They’re only a mile away.  I could literally walk there – and probably should!  Mainly I wanted a place to connect spiritually to others without struggling to hear someone preach or pray.  I’ve always been community oriented, and enjoy helping others.   I missed that.  So when I saw online that the Buddhists were cooking for the homeless, I asked if I could help.

But they helped me instead.  Isn’t that weird?  I still don’t consider myself a Buddhist.  I’m not sure at what point one says, “I’m a Buddhist.”  I practice Buddhist meditation with Buddhists and that’s about it.  I feel lucky to have found them because of their silent acceptance.   There is no expectation to talk.  And yet, as I’ve become more comfortable with them I find myself opening up.

I have noticed that many deaf/Deaf people seem open to alternative religious beliefs besides Christianity.  I know of at least four deaf Pagans, a couple of deaf Buddhists, deaf Quakers, and many others who meditate regularly, who haven’t defined their religious beliefs.  I guess I fall in the latter category.  So I have to ask– What gives?

It’s interesting to me that holy men and monks of all religions adopt a routine of silence and meditation for deeper spiritual understanding.   I feel the forced silent introspection through deafness has transformed me; and I really value that about being deaf.

I wonder what others think.   Do you believe your spirituality has been enhanced by being d/Deaf?  Or not?

 

d/Deaf Symbols and their Meanings

Someone made a comment that my header art was appropriate since lips are a symbol for all d/Deaf people.    It’s hard to find a body part more glorified by both hearing and deaf than lips.   If you spent as much time studying lips as I have, you could develop a love/hate thing with lips.  They’re always the most important feature on anyone’s body if they don’t sign.

The Nat'l Foundation of the Deaf-- a lip reading game

Still, I hate relying on lip reading, and I’m not alone feeling that way judging by the many D/deaf anti-oralists there are out there.  The irony is we’re better at lip reading than anyone.  But it sucks all the same.

Another body part we all identify with would be hands.  The Deaf probably love hands more than the deaf, but enough deaf use sign that hands are seen as the epitome of Deaf symbols, especially the ILY sign.  This is probably the first sign every hearing person  learns.  You see it everywhere.  The funny thing is I’ve read blog discussions by some Deaf who hate the ILY sign because it’s so over used.  It’s not uncommon for hearing people to flash the ILY sign at a Deaf person out of a sense of friendship or whatever.  Sometimes it borders on inappropriateness.  To some, it’s like the equivalent of a white person shouting, “Black Power!”  I don’t personally share this view of the ILY sign.  I think it’s sweet watching hearing people flash it all over.  But I understand how Deaf people can come to be bothered by it.  Never the less I own a few ILY objects myself– a hat with ILY on it and some refrigerator magnets.

Then there’s the Kokopelli ‘healing hand‘  which is not widely known among d/Deaf people.   The first time I saw it was when I visited Sedona, AZ several years back.  The healing hand was everywhere.  Instantly I identified with it, and bought a pair of turquoise healing hand earrings.  I wear them to most deaf events I attend, and always get compliments.  I also have a hearing hand house ornament.   I’ve given healing hand mugs to deaf friends who signed.

The healing hand is so deeply symbolic and spiritual for  me personally with several overlapping meanings. People with acquired deafness sometimes come to see the hand as healing or mending communication lines that have been broken.  The ‘healing hand’ can symbolize Deaf hands supporting and guiding the deaf to a peaceful place where communication is easier and more visual.  The healing hand heals the broken spirit of the deaf.   The love I feel towards deaf and Deaf who have gone out of their way to support and help me learn ASL is expressed by the Kokopelli  hand.

Eyes.  People of the Eye.  I had never heard that expression until I joined DeafRead.  Deaf people use their eyes to hear.   It’s strange.  In the past few years as my hearing loss became profound I sensed a shift in visual perception.  I’ve always been more observant than a lot of hearing people, but suddenly color and movement took on different meaning.  I’m not sure if this is because the final dive into profound deafness coincided with learning ASL, or if it was because I had been deaf so long, my mind finally made a visual shift.  But it’s been an indescribable change, something I’m sure no hearing person could understand.  There are no words for it.  Possibly there’s a sign?

Countess Grotesque/DeviantArt

I don’t particularly like pictures of eyes without their bodies.    While I identify with eyes as a d/Deaf symbol, eyes can give me the creeps.

Ears.  A deaf friend gave me a small cheap portrait of ‘Van Gogh’s ear’ once, while we were rooming together at a deaf convention.  The rubber ear was so much bigger than the rest of his body, I laughed at it over and over.  The unsaid joke between us was that we’d both lost our ‘ears’ but here’s one you could use.  It would not have been a funny gift from anyone who could hear.  To me, it was like saying, “We’re in this together.”   I kept it in my kitchen for a long time as a reminder  to keep perspective on the hearing loss.  They’re just ears.  My hearing family never got the joke, even after I explained.  To them, it was a gross reminder of VanGogh cutting off his ear.

Then there is ear art. Newly deaf often try to hide their hearing aids as much

Coolest Hearing Aids Ever!

as possible.  But the longer you’ve been deaf, the more you may wish to accentuate them.  This can be partly attitude and partly practical.  Other people forget you wear hearing aids unless they’re clearly visible, so showing the aided ear off is a small reminder, “Hey–I’m deaf!”  Decorating them is a way of saying, “My hearing aids are cool!”  Deaf Attitude.  I love it.

The last symbol I can think of that many d/Deaf identify with is a surprise.  It’s the butterfly.  People with acquired deafness view the butterfly on two levels.  You go through a transformation when you become deaf.  Initially many of us stop socializing and shut ourselves up into almost a cocoon like state while grieving over a hearing loss.  When we’re done, we emerge a different person.  We may feel free from societal constraints of communicating one specific way, and free to be our deaf selves.  We know we’re different from others, and we’re OK with that.  A kind of psychological metamorphosis has taken place.

I identified with butterflies long before I learned they were deaf, which is the second way d/Deaf identify with the butterly.  They’re DEAF!  Imagine that!

Here’s is a cool butterfly pin you can buy out of the Harris Catalog for the d/Deaf.  I love this pin because of the way it depicts both a butterfly and the ASL sign of butterfly.

Butterfly Pin from Harris Catalog

 

Mindfulness Practice For Acquired Deafness and a Bonus Haiku

Rainy Day Coffee

Originally uploaded by *lemonade*

 

 

Deb Ann  wrote a beautiful Haiku to demonstrate her positive feelings about being Deaf. This is hard for almost any hearing person or former hearing person to understand. But I think I get it.

 
Recently at a Buddhist workshop we did a meditation exercise in which we were told to “feel the body within the body.” Initially it sounded like nonsense until he explained.

A woman complained that she had a hard time concentrating on her hands because her arms were cold.

The Buddhist monk then asked, “How do you know they were cold?”

“Because they felt cold,” she snapped.

Then he asked again, “How do you know they were cold, what did you feel?”

“I had goose bumps and my arms felt cold.”

This went on a few minutes with the monk pressing her for more details, while she insisted her arms felt COLD.  Eventually I understood what the monk was getting at. She was feeling her arms with her mind. Her brain was labeling the coldness, but he wanted us to experience the physical feelings of our bodies without labeling those feelings. Because when you begin to label then you attach meaning.

 
Later someone else mentioned she felt pain. She asked, “Rather than trying to feel the pain, wouldn’t it be better to concentrate on another part of the body?” She felt by concentrating on something else she would not feel the pain as much.

 
“Why don’t you want to feel the pain?” he asked.

 
“Because it hurts!” she said.

 
“How do you know it hurts?” he asked.

Once again we were back at the brain identifying the feeling, rather than allowing ourselves to feel.   Round and round we went. We didn’t want to feel cold or pain. Cold and pain are bad.

 
“Is it always bad?” he asked. “What is the reason for pain?”

Then a revelation. The feeling of pain can be good because it lets us know when we need to change position. Cold can be good because it lets us know when we need to put on a jacket. Without these feelings we wouldn’t take care of our bodies properly. Our brains label feelings good or bad based on how we prefer to feel, but the feelings themselves are neither good, nor bad. They just are.

 
Also, we discovered that sometimes by feeling the pain without labeling it, it isn’t as bad as we expected.  With that in mind I revisited my personal feelings about being deaf. I do understand how Deb Ann can feel joy being Deaf. Over her lifetime she has defined it in a positive way.

 
However, because I’ve had different life experiences than Deb Ann, I’ve defined the feelings of being deaf differently. I feel my deafness through the perspective of someone who used to hear. I can not help that. I need to point out that hearing people grow up surrounded by sound. We hear ourselves breath, chew, and our own heartbeats when all else is silent. These sounds cofort us because they’re all we know.  A deaf friend once said she felt dead because she could no longer hear the signs of life within her own body. Silence can be scary for a hearing person, much the way blindness might be scary for the Deaf.

 

 

All the same, allowing ourselves to experience the silence without labeling it good or bad can be a positive way to deal with it. Adjusting to new ways of communicating through ASL, hearing aids or cochlear implant, while simultaneously embracing the deaf self is not an easy transition. Much depends on the willingness of those around us to adapt.

But being deaf is neither good or bad.  It just is.  Sometimes we can redefine what this feeling of no sound means to us.  At one time it might have been scary, now it can be relaxing.  Other times it might be frustrating.

While the Deaf see the medical model as a contradiction, (i.e. you can’t accept being deaf and then seek to ‘fix it’ at the same time), choosing cochlear implants or hearing aids over ASL when deeply entrenched in a life surrounded by hearing people is a reasonable option, and just as valid as any other deaf experience.

My Haiku-
I wake in silence
Click! Electrical sound rush
Coffee pot burbles

 

Another set of Commandments

Brno Torah

Originally uploaded by Mamluke

Inspired by Anonymous and MM, I decided to draw up my own set of “rules” for both Deaf and Hearing people when communicating with deaf people.

Thou shall not ask if hearing aids or cochlear implants are turned on, or if batteries are dead.

Thou shall not ever utter the words, “Never mind” or sign “train gone.”

Thou shall try to face deaf and Deaf people at all times when speaking.

Thou shall repeat phrases and utterances as many times as possible while using different verbiage or signs without groaning, saying “Never mind.” or “train gone.”

Thou shall be kind enough to learn a few signs and use them while speaking to deaf and Deaf brothers and sisters.

Thou shall be kind enough to help newly deaf brothers and sisters by practicing sign language with them.

Thou shall not criticize the use of lip reading, hearing aids, cochlear implants, ASL, pidgin sign, signed English, simcom or cueing as a viable way to communicate and get along in the world.

Thou shall advocate accessibility for ALL deaf and Deaf people, including (whenever possible) the use of transcripts or captions for deaf and Deaf brothers and sisters who are not fluent in American Sign Language, as well as deaf and Deaf brothers and sisters who can’t hear.

Thou shall treat thy deaf, Deaf and hearing brothers and sisters with kindness and respect whether deaf, Deaf or hearing.

Thou shall not participate in behaviors that hurt others, or promote hatred of any kind, disguised or blatant, toward deaf, Deaf and hearing brothers and sisters.

Anyone can draw up a set of rules to live by, but the ‘Golden Rule’ works for everyone, I believe.  

Here it is in 21 different religions in case you’ve forgotten–

• Bahá’í Faith: 
  • “Ascribe not to any soul that which thou wouldst not have ascribed to thee, and say not that which thou doest not.” “Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself.” Baha’u'llah
  • “And if thine eyes be turned towards justice, choose thou for thy neighbour that which thou choosest for thyself.” Epistle to the Son of the Wolf
• Brahmanism: “This is the sum of Dharma [duty]: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you”. Mahabharata, 5:1517 “
• Buddhism: 
  • “…a state that is not pleasing or delightful to me, how could I inflict that upon another?” Samyutta NIkaya v. 353 
  • Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” Udana-Varga 5:18
• Christianity: 
  • “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12, King James Version.
  • “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.” Luke 6:31, King James Version.
  • “…and don’t do what you hate…“, Gospel of Thomas 6. The Gospel of Thomas is one of about 40 gospels that were widely accepted among early Christians, but which never made it into the Christian Scriptures (New Testament).
• Confucianism:
  • “Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you” Analects 15:23
  • “Tse-kung asked, ‘Is there one word that can serve as a principle of conduct for life?’ Confucius replied, ‘It is the word ’shu’ — reciprocity. Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.’” Doctrine of the Mean 13.3
  • “Try your best to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself, and you will find that this is the shortest way to benevolence.” Mencius VII.A.4
• Ancient Egyptian:
  • “Do for one who may do for you, that you may cause him thus to do.” The Tale of the Eloquent Peasant, 109 – 110 Translated by R.B. Parkinson. The original dates to 1970 to 1640 BCE and may be the earliest version ever written. ₃
• Hinduism: 
  • This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517
• Humanism:
  • “(5) Humanists acknowledge human interdependence, the need for mutual respect and the kinship of all humanity.”
  • “(11) Humanists affirm that individual and social problems can only be resolved by means of human reason, intelligent effort, critical thinking joined with compassion and a spirit of empathy for all living beings. ” ₄
  • “Don’t do things you wouldn’t want to have done to you, British Humanist Society. ₃
• Islam: “None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.” Number 13 of Imam “Al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadiths.” ₅
• Jainism: 
  • “Therefore, neither does he [a sage] cause violence to others nor does he make others do so.” Acarangasutra 5.101-2. 
  • “In happiness and suffering, in joy and grief, we should regard all creatures as we regard our own self.” Lord Mahavira, 24th Tirthankara
  • “A man should wander about treating all creatures as he himself would be treated. “Sutrakritanga 1.11.33
• Judaism: 
  • “…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”, Leviticus 19:18 
  • “What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary.” Talmud, Shabbat 31a.
  • “And what you hate, do not do to any one.” Tobit 4:15 ₆
• Native American Spirituality:
  • “Respect for all life is the foundation.” The Great Law of Peace.
  • “All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One.” Black Elk
  • “Do not wrong or hate your neighbor. For it is not he who you wrong, but yourself.” Pima proverb.
• Roman Pagan Religion: “The law imprinted on the hearts of all men is to love the members of society as themselves.”
• Shinto: 
  • “The heart of the person before you is a mirror. See there your own form”
  • “Be charitable to all beings, love is the representative of God.” Ko-ji-ki Hachiman Kasuga
• Sikhism: 
  • Compassion-mercy and religion are the support of the entire world”. Japji Sahib
  • “Don’t create enmity with anyone as God is within everyone.” Guru Arjan Devji 259
  • “No one is my enemy, none a stranger and everyone is my friend.” Guru Arjan Dev : AG 1299
• Sufism: “The basis of Sufism is consideration of the hearts and feelings of others. If you haven’t the will to gladden someone’s heart, then at least beware lest you hurt someone’s heart, for on our path, no sin exists but this.” Dr. Javad Nurbakhsh, Master of the Nimatullahi Sufi Order.
• Taoism:
  • “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.” T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien.
  • “The sage has no interest of his own, but takes the interests of the people as his own. He is kind to the kind; he is also kind to the unkind: for Virtue is kind. He is faithful to the faithful; he is also faithful to the unfaithful: for Virtue is faithful.” Tao Teh Ching, Chapter 49
• Unitarian:

“The inherent worth and dignity of every person;”
“Justice, equity and compassion in human relations…. “
“The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;”
“We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.” Unitarian principles. _7,8

• Wicca: “An it harm no one, do what thou wilt” (i.e. do what ever you will, as long as it harms nobody, including yourself). One’s will is to be carefully thought out in advance of action. This is called the Wiccan Rede
• Yoruba: (Nigeria): “One going to take a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should first try it on himself to feel how it hurts.”
• Zoroastrianism: 
  • “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself”. Dadistan-i-dinik 94:5
  • “Whatever is disagreeable to yourself do not do unto others.“  Shayast-na-Shayast 13:29

 

Is there a Hard-of-Hearing/Deaf culture?

Last week, Shanna Groves posed a question in the Say What Club Blog. Is there a Hard-of-Hearing Culture? My gut response was NO. There’s a Deaf culture, but HH/deaf culture?? Nah. I can’t stop thinking about it. The more I learn about Deaf culture, the more I feel set apart. The main difference between Deaf and deaf is language, and it’s a huge difference.

Is there a Hearing culture? The Deaf might say so.  But if someone ever asked my culture I would answer that I’m American.  I’m also hard-of-hearing, raised-protestant-now-religion-undefined, and vegetarian. Maybe I behave differently from some Americans, but all of my behaviors fall within American norms more or less.  I’d call religion and vegetarianism interest groups. Is being hard-of-hearing the same?

I googled the definition of culture and found an anthropology website that named a combined set of properties cultures share. They are: shared, learned, symbolic, transmitted cross-generationally, adaptive and integrated.

Wikipedia defined culture similarly –

• an integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for symbolic thought and social learning

 In other words, you can’t be born with a culture. Cultural patterns, beliefs and behaviors are learned. Wikipedia’s second definition was –

• a set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or group.

It’s interesting. Do HH/deaf people share certain behaviors? I can think of many ways they do. For one thing, like the Deaf most hh/deaf rely heavily on their vision for communication, but oral language and lip reading seems to be the most widely used way to communicate, not ASL. Maybe it’s because most of us (not all) are late-deafened and we learned English as children. It’s certainly NOT because lip reading is the most effective way communicate.  Shanna mentioned attending HLAA and ALDA meetings where hh/deaf people used both verbal language and signing– sim-com and pidgin sign. Few use ASL exclusively.  I see the same thing, everywhere– HLAA, ALDA, IFHOH, SWC.

There is some symbolism associated with hearing loss. I would say lips are our symbol, comparable to the Deaf’s ILY sign. Most of us have been handed a ‘Face me, I read lips’ pin at hearing loss meetings and conventions. They seem to be everywhere at our functions.

Our poems, our words, our art is different from Deaf art in some ways too. Like Deaf we feel a disconnect with the majority of hearing people we associate, but unlike Deaf we don’t have a separate language to fill the gap. Our art is filled with allusions to broken dreams, loneliness, communication barriers, and misunderstanding. I see it as a kind of painful beauty like the metamorphosis of a butterfly. The butterfly is another symbol many of us identify with. While Deaf art glorifies hands, HH/deaf art exaggerates lips, mouths and ears, sometimes mutilated ears. (Informal study on my part.)

There’s a learning curve to navigating hearing loss. We’re not born lip readers. The way we behave in restaurants, our pickiness about seating arrangements, sitting in corners at parties with our backs to the wall, searching out spots with good lighting, our preferences for carpeted rooms, the routine care of our hearing gadgetry- these are all learned behaviors. We teach these ‘tricks of the trade’ to the newly deafened.  It’s what we all do.  Signing is encouraged to a certain extent, but not emphasized.  If you hang out with these groups long enough, you WILL pick up some sign.  We also have bad habits as a group. Bluffing is a biggie.  Accidental interrupting is another.  We’re aware of it and call each other on it.   

Is our culture passed across generations? Like the Deaf, many HH/deaf parents have hearing children. Though our children don’t learn a different language, they do learn different communication behaviors—waving at and tapping a parent to get attention, and making sure to look people in the eyes when talking. Our children learn at a young age they can sass us when our backs are turned, but our noses can smell trouble a mile away. Repeating and rephrasing becomes a way of life.    Additionally, just as Deafness runs in some families, mild to severe hearing loss runs in some families. So–there is a cross-generational aspect to the deaf/hh group, but not as strong as Deaf culture.

The HH/deaf have similar values and goals to the Deaf regarding access, but we differ a little bit on the ASL issue. We’re more accepting of hearing aids, cochlear implants and any technology that enhances English understanding. Technology offers the ability to communicate with our hearing families and friends, not ASL. Still many of us do appreciate visual languages, though we’re generally more open-minded about those—simcom, pidgin sign, signed English, cueing. . .anything goes.

Like the Deaf, the hh/deaf have their own separate clubs where they socialize and discuss hh/deaf concerns. We share inside jokes about hearing aid and implant mishaps, and funny hearing bloopers. We’re big on trying each other’s gadgets. Pencils and paper are almost always available for those who need them and we’re patient about writing stuff down. Expectations for hearing and signing abilities are pretty low, but most of us speak. Our organizations are growing and becoming very strong politically.

Like the Deaf we are proud of our hh/deaf heroes– Juliette Low, Thomas Edison, Beethoven, Deaf (Erastus) Smith, Robert Weitbrecht, Cal Rogers are only a few. We have our own history. Our heroes read lips, spoke, and some could also sign.  We look up to people who have moved beyond deafness, unlike the Deaf who sometimes revere their Deafhood.  We are people who happen to be deaf.  They are Deaf people.  The difference is subtle, but important to both groups, I think.

The evolution of hearing equipment and teaching techniques enabling oral communication is part of our shared history with the Deaf.  The hh/deaf tend to bestow gratitude on organizations like AGBell and cochlear implant companies.   I’ve spoken with many oral deaf who endured the rigors of speech therapy as children and are glad they can communicate orally today.  Many Deaf who can speak take a dim view of forcing oral language on Deaf children.  Some even consider it child abuse.   

The hh/deaf are distinct from the Deaf and hearing people in many ways.  We value oral languages and visual languages.   We feel kinship with hearing people and Deaf people.  We have been hearing.  We are now deaf. 

What do you think? Do the hh/deaf have their own culture? Or are we merely an interest group?