Rainy Days and Lost Luggage

Another astute observation from Maya.

 

‘I’ve Learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:  a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.’ 

 

Isn’t that the truth?!  I would go on to add you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle hearing loss: those who are hard-of-hearing/deaf and the others around them.

 

While I believe there’s no ’right’ way to deal with a loss there are those who handle it with a lot of anger.  I suspect that was the problem with the woman who asked people at LaRonda’stable to stop signing at the ALDA Con.  Perhaps she was frightened by the prospect of being in an environment where people sign comfortably.  Being at a room full of signing people might have reminded her how bad her hearing had gotten and possibly she wasn’t ready to confront that.  Or maybe expected to be included at the ALDA Con only to find once again she was ‘left out’ but this time because she didn’t know ASL.  Whatever the reason for her rude behavior, I find it very telling. 

 

There are others who hide when they lose their hearing.  I did that for awhile.  I wouldn’t socialize with other people.  I still avoid many events I’m invited to.  I prefer to think of it as controlling my hearing environment.  But it’s an avoiding behavior I need to work on.  There are times, like large weddings for example, where I have no choice but to muddle through an evening of not understanding and I hate it.  Other people lose self-esteem and become severely depressed.  In fact that’s common for awhile.  But if a person gets stuck in depression they may need help.  

 

As to the people around us– OH!  There are rude ones there too!  I know a woman who was shoved from behind with a shopping cart because she didn’t hear someone say, ‘excuse me.’ 

 

One time I was verbally attacked at work.  I asked a woman to look at me so I could read her lips.  She got right in my face and yelled, “I’m screamin at the top of my lungs, what the f– do you want me to do?!”  All I wanted her to do was to look at me while she spoke.  She wasn’t hard to lip read when she finally did.  Another time a man asked why I am working if I can’t hear, as if I should be shut away somewhere.  He wasn’t yelling but his question hurt just the same. 

 

Sometimes those around us are in denial about our hearing losses.  I dealt with that for a long time.  And it was hard on me because their expectations of my hearing was higher than I could deliver.  No matter how old we are we always want to please our parents.  I was acutely aware I had disappointed them when my hearing went.  

 

It’s better not to dwell on these incidents.  I only bring it up today to illustrate the many different ways late-deafened react to their hearing losses, and the adversity they sometimes face from family and people in the public.

 

It’s important to remember these are isolated cases.  Personally I’ve had far more good experiences with the public and my family than bad, but it’s the bad that seems to stand out. 

Sometimes when we least expect it, there’s a surprise in store too!  The last wedding I went to, it turned out my husband’s cousin knew ASL.  He interpreted for me.  WOW!  He used to interpret at his church years ago.  I never knew.

 

My family has been mainly supportive.  I’m thinking about last weekend when my son came home from college.  My husband, Perry, said something, and I didn’t hear it.  Then my youngest son, Grape, who took ASL in high school signed what Perry said.  Then he signed that he missed signing with me.  WOW!  What a great kid!  These are the moments I treasure–when people go out of their way to do something for me because they can see I’m missing out.  

 

Because the truth is, those other people who have yelled at me, the type of person who would tell LaRonda to stop signing, and people who think deaf shouldn’t work, the kind of person who would shove a stranger with a shopping cart in a grocery store because she didn’t hear the words “excuse me”– those are the types of people who scream over tangled Christmas lights too.  They’re not worth remembering.